Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Where The Moose Rove: The Answer is Always Three

The Moose is very proud of being a "hawk". He avers over and over again that "only hawks get elected president."

What exactly is a "hawk"? Is a "hawk" a person who is not averse to using military force when the situation, calmly and clearly analyzed, seems to demand it, and all other measures have been tried and failed? By this definition, I personally would never vote for a non-hawk, and you probably wouldn't either.

But that's clearly not what Moosie means. What Moosie means by being a "hawk" is a person who prefers military solutions. Any and all disputes are reduced to a bitter, us-versus-them battle to the death.

In what universe is this a sane approach? It's like saying "I'm a three." Whatever question you are asked, the answer is "three". Once in a great while, someone will actually ask you a question for which you have the correct answer, but most of the time, umm, no.

The Moose is a terribly angry, terribly paranoid, terribly cowardly animal. He sees bogeymen behind every single tree in the forest. Make no mistake, the bogeymen are out there, but come on, Marshall, they're not behind every tree. Face the world like a man, not a mouse.

A MooseHawk will bravely root for Israel as they stupidly embroil themselves in a no-win situation in Lebanon because, well of course, violence is the only answer for people who dare to oppose the will of Israel. Okay, Moose, you got your way. Let's see your analysis of the unalloyed good that this brave little war achieved. It didn't even get the two prisoners that started the whole thing back. Is the word "failure" in your vocabulary?

But that's not going to happen. MooseHawks have a strange deformity; they are not capable of turning around and examining where they've been. To the Moose, the Lebanon campaign was a rousing success. On to the next battle against the next bogeyman.

Add this deformity to his black-and-white-only visual problems, and you have one very dangerous, very stupid animal.

Oh, and Atrios, thanks and welcome to the party.


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